Comment Wall

 

"Dragon"

Story Book Link

Comments

  1. Hi, Pierce! Your description on your homepage already had me hooked! I'm a huge fantasy fan, and adding in modern elements? It sounds like it will be a really fun read. I'm curious to learn about Cobalt, as the introduction page focuses mainly on his father, Ormr. It sounds like Ormr was initially a villain that softened over the centuries and before his death had his fingers in many political pots and enjoyed wealth by owning companies. Will Cobalt start off as a villain in the story like his father did in the source material, or will he be a better person? Also, aside from the dragons is there still magic or fantasy creatures like the dragons in the world? Would it mainly follow Cobalt or will there be a cast of recurring characters? I think it would be interesting in Beowulf’s line survived as well. Sorry for all the questions! Again, I love modern meeting fantasy stories so I'll be following yours for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Pierce,
    Your project looks super interesting! Everything from your homepage to your introduction has me hooked. I can tell you are really invested in this project which will make it so much better. I love the modern elements meeting the fantasy stories so this could be super awesome. There are so many ways you could go with this. I look forward to seeing more of your work.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Pierce! Wow, I Iove the picture of the dragon breathing fire you used for the banner. I have always been a huge fan of dragons, so a project dedicated soley to them is very intriguing to me. I also see in the corner that one of the dragons name is Cobalt, thats such an awesome name. Your introduction was very intriguing and I especially liked how you described Ormr's surprise with the new, modern world. The story 'No Last Goodbye' was written very well but also sad. The only pointers I would give would be to edit some of the grammar within your story. I wonder what is going to happen to Cobalt going forward. Will be be able to deal with the death of his father? Or will it maybe consume him into a blind rage? I can not wait to see how your story progresses. Great job so far!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Pierce!

    My initial reactions were very pleasing as I opened up to your storybook. The homepage is nicely laid out, decorated, and captivating. I also really appreciate how you included a brief statement of what the overall theme of your storybook is. I feel like most people do not do this so it is hard to prepare for what you are about to read and hard to connect different stories together, so thank you for that!

    I love the picture in your header/banner! I think the colors are really aesthetically pleasing and make the dragon look really cool.

    I also like how you made a separate tab for the Bibliography. I haven't seen that in a storybook or portfolio yet, so I like the freshness.

    I look forward to reading more of your stories this fall! I am excited to learn more about mythology from the standpoint of a dragon! Keep up the great work!

    -Libby

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Pierce :)
    I really like your Storybook concept! From your Introduction and first story, I know the rest of your storybook is going to take every reader on a wild ride. I love your attention to narrative details. The fact Ormr's scales were hardened by the pressure of the ocean was fantastic! It made me laugh when Teddy Roosevelt was revealed as a cyclopes who, literally, carried a big stick. Loved it!
    My only critiques would be to keep an eye on your run-on sentences and anchor some of the lone dependent clauses you have. Run-on sentences are an easy trap to fall into. I have to keep an eye on my own all the time. A good way to check if you're making a run-on is to count the number of conjunctions and commas you have in that sentence.
    Anchoring dependent clauses like this one: "Remembering how he had been stabbed and thrown in the ocean." can be fixed with some rewording and changing of punctuation, so it can be anchored to an independent clause.
    My favorite part of your Storybook is your description. I can see everything in my head, and I already feel attached to Cobalt! Keep up the good work :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Pierce!

    This is such an interesting take on your Storybook! I’ve never really read much about dragons, so I’m looking forward to reading more as the semester continues. I love the photo you used on your Introduction. The “Fire and Ice” look of Ormr and Freyja together is absolutely stunning.

    I may be misreading it, but I am a little confused about one aspect. Is Ormr also a shapeshifting creature, or is he a full dragon? I know that he was thrown into the ocean then he emerged into a new world, but I was wondering how Ormr was able to amass such great riches, assuming he is a dragon all of the time. I’m also curious about some of Freyja’s backstory. How did her father (and then eventually her) get cursed with the shapeshifting? Does Freyja embrace her shapeshifting ability, or does she have some kind of personal crisis similar to those that superheroes who are gifted their powers may have?

    I liked your story about Ormr’s funeral. It sets up the story nicely as we will see how Cobalt copes with his father’s death. I’m very curious to know about Ormr’s work life. What work did he do in the years leading up to his death? How did he create such a name for himself so that people from all walks of life, like Zeus, Dracula, Ra, and thousands of other people were impacted so greatly by his death? Nonetheless, great job on your book so far!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Pierce,

    Overall, I very much enjoyed the stories in the storybook that you made! I think what was most fascinating to me was the part where you included a number of different characters from other fairy tales and myths as well. For example, I would've never guessed that Dracula and Ra would ever be in the same time frame or dimension such as this. I also liked how you portrayed these different characters knowing each other, as well as be historically clever, such as the origin of Ra being in Africa and Teddy Roosevelt and his massive club. Surely, you are a fan of history as well. I will say though, in terms of the website itself, I think if you added more pictures as well as having the background the same color as the text boxes would add to the aesthetic of the storybook. Looking forward to reading more of your work in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey Pierce,

    Great job on your project page! The page is set up so that it is engaging and organized at the same time. I liked reading your introduction because it was very important to understanding where you were gonna go with your story as well as knowing vital background information on Cobalt. It is also very interesting that he is a dragon but has very human characteristics. There were a few typing errors that I saw that could be fixed with a quick read over the stories. I find myself making typing errors and they end up taking away from the story more than I would think because the reader is focused on those more than the story. I am very excited to see where you will go with this story and to see how it will all play out. Keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey Pierce! I first gotta say that I really like the functionality of your website. I like how the text looks like it's on a white piece of paper on the website, as that helps it stand out and read very easily, so great job on that! I also think the dragon pictures add to the tone you are portraying through your storytelling, so it is all definitely cohesive. I thought that the introduction was a great foundation with all the information needed to follow along in the "The Funeral" story. The character development of Cobalt was really cool and seemed very real. Even though he's a dragon, I felt like I was right there with him the whole time. Grammatically, there a few things here and there that could be fine tuned, but I think that goes for any story anyone does! Overall I enjoyed going through your storybook and thought it was very well done!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello,
    Let me start off by saying, I love fantasy and dragons! They are really awesome! I liked the idea and the humor of what you were going for, but I have to be completely honest. I was unaware of what of going. I understood the son was afraid of taking his father's business but other than that I was confused. There are too much information and characters being thrown at the reader. I don't understand what is the difference between important plot moving character versus side characters. Your work would be greatly improved if you go back and decide what plot elements should stay or go. This story feels more like a a large info-dump(information- dump) than a narrative. Meaning you just need some practice writing. I like the design choices for your stories. And again, I do think what you have is going to be great. I can't wait for the rest of what you write.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Pierce!
    I enjoyed reading your story book!
    It was really fun for me since I was quite familiar with most of the characters you introduced. I knew who Ormr, Fafnir, Freyja and Ra were, so it was fun to see your own interpretation of them! (As a fun little random note, I knew who all of the people on your little guestlist were too)
    I think the flashbacks are an interesting way to help shed light on the events that occurred prior to the story's start.
    I'd suggest you do an editing pass though to weed out any cases of present tense you had mixed among the past tense. I noticed it a couple of times in both the introduction and the first story post, and they'd be much cleaner if you ironed that out.
    Also, as an FYI, you've got a spelling error on your navigation bar. Bibliography is missing the "L".

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi Pierce! I really enjoyed reading your storybook and love the way that this story combines dragons, mythology and historical characters. I have never read this particular story and thought you did an awesome job. What caused you to choose to add Teddy Roosevelt? Are the rest of the stories you plan to add going to follow this trend of bringing different characters into the picture from the different time periods? One suggestion I have would be to expand upon the introduction. I think the intro is great in the way that it sets the tone for the rest of the story and gives a great background picture of Ormr and how Cobalt became but it may be helpful to add in where these different characters come into play. Lastly, just watch out for verb tenses, most are past but there were a few present tense verbs. Overall, great job! You are going to have an awesome story book!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts